Cautionary Tales
If you haven’t already seen the romantic comedy The Heartbreak Kid, you can at least benefit from a retelling of the scene in which Ben Stiller learns that his new wife of only one week has a considerable amount of debt due to a past cocaine problem. While this example may be extreme, it paints a clear picture: you don’t want to wake up a week into your marriage and learn of your new debt-by-spouse for the first time. Even with love on your side, vowing to stay with your partner even “for poorer” is best kept when debt isn’t sprung on you after the fact. An excellent resource for issues on money and marriage is www.MoneyTalkMatters.com, which offers a wide selection of articles on debt and merging your finances.

Confess
Before you pen your names in ink on your marriage license, sit down with your partner and have a tell-all about your relationship with money. You owe it to yourselves and each other to disclose financial assets owned (such as properties, stocks and other investments) and debts owed (such as student loans and credit card balances incurred). This may not be the most comfortable conversation you have with your future spouse, but it is one of the most important conversations to have preferably before you begin planning and budgeting for your wedding and as a preventative from falling into what is known as financial infidelity.

Discuss
How well you understand yourself and your partner is vital to how well you can financially and emotionally safeguard your marriage before you even say “I do”. Having a discussion doesn’t have to be something you dread if you follow a few simple principles. Most importantly, pay attention to how your significant other views money, because that will help you learn how to best ways to communicate what you’re thinking and feeling..

Set aside time to discuss how money makes you feel at a time of day that is most comfortable for you and your fiancé. Decide how often to discuss your finances whether it be weekly, every few days, or even for a few minutes each day; and make a pact to save your ‘money talk’ conversations for those pre-set times. Here are some questions to get your conversations started.

On Childhood: Were you given an allowance? Did you have to work for your money? At chores or jobs? Did you ever have to save money in a piggy bank for something you wanted to buy on your own?

…On Education: Did you have to pay your own way in school? Did you have to take out loans? Have you paid off your loans in full yet?

…On Family:? Have you borrowed money form your family members in the past? Did you ever have to support your parents or other family members or lend them money? Did you or do you feel comfortable talking with your family about money?

…On Your Wedding
Will either of your families be contributing to your wedding? If they are contributing to the wedding, how much are they willing to contribute? If they are paying for a certain part of your wedding like the music or the food, are they aware of the cost to provide that service? What are each of your views on the type of wedding and amount you want to spend for your wedding, additional wedding related events and your honeymoon?

…On Spending: How do you budget your finances now? What processes or habits are good to bring to your marriage?

…On Education: Did you have to pay your own way in school? Did you have to take out loans? Have you paid off your loans in full yet?

…On Family: How does your family of origin handle money? Did your parents ever have to support you or lend you money after you’d moved out? Did you ever have to support your parents or lend them money?

You can adapt these questions as you see fit, but asking your partner about his or her history with money will give you a better idea of what each of you are bringing to your marriage and to see what each of you can do to meet your financial goals as a couple.

New Goals
Create new goals as a couple and align it with each of your individual plans for the next year. By giving your best effort to meet your financial goals, creating time for honest and open communication about your finances and putting attention into how and where you choose to spend, the better your chances are to creating the future you desire without the added stress of letting money issues take over your lives.

Celebrate
Your engagement is a great time to use money as a way to bring you closer together. Celebrate staying within your budget and paying off credit card debt by adding a certain amount of ‘fun’ money to your budget that each of you can spend as you wish. You can use the money for yourself or pool it together for a little weekend get away, upgrading you honeymoon destination or by adding something frivolous to you wedding day that you hadn’t originally budgeted for. After all your hard work, you really should reward the positive ways you and your partner have stayed in control of your relationship instead of letting money control you.

Seek Assistance
When you have a saver paired with a spender the trick is to channel each toward compromise and an appreciation of each other’s perspective. Although it is completely normal to have different personalities when it comes to spending; if you are not seeing eye to eye in regards to budgeting for your future or you and your spouse find yourselves struggling with similar budgeting habits or you simply just don’t know where to start, consider bringing another person into the equation who can speak into the situation. Whether it be a financial advisor, a lawyer or a wedding planner; talking to a skilled professional about your spending habits and visions of your future together will help arm you with the necessary tools to muddle through any ‘dis-connects’ so you can better discuss your cost of living, your monthly couple’s budget, the type of wedding you envision and the money you want or need to set aside for the upcoming financial responsibilities of planning your wedding and futures together.